I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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