just tell him i said nine months
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize