Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize