My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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