My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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