Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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