My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize