I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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