I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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