Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize