Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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