she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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