I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize