I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
