Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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