Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize