she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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