I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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