haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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