the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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