Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize