Apparently you make a good broom.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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