Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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