I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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