Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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