I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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