If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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