I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
