The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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