I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dear god my vagina.
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