So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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