I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
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New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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