after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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