You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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