I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize