he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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