I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's paint friendship bongs
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize