I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize