then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am spending my child support on dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize