he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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