at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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