I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Is it because I queefed?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize