She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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