Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We left the knife in your bed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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