guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize