yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
whose ass print is on the piano?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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