My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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