My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My cat gives me a boner
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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