Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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