But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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