I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize