so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
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When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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